My Return To Ethiopia... Trip Post #3

Well, if you've missed post #1...you can read HERE!!! If you missed #2..you can read HERE!! But, I guess I've left yall hangin for long enough since my last post so here goes:

** Well, I assumed EVERYONE would want to meet their child's birth parent...but I assumed wrong. I've learned in the last month or so that NOT everyone DESIRES that meeting to take place. I had a friend say, "WHY....WHY in the world would you want to find her and meet her? I'm not sure I'd EVER want to do that." I can respect that...but... well...I thought about it..and I DO believe God has placed that desire there. I was VERY comfortable from day 1 in Ethiopia with the idea of KNOWING and MEETING LLM's birth mom. I've always wanted to personally thank her and look into the eyes of the woman that gave my precious daughter LIFE!!! BUT, even more importantly is the fact that GOD may be laying this on my heart for a reason...Maybe lucy lane will be that child that REALLY NEEDS to know her past....maybe she'll have strong desires to know every detail of WHY she was placed for adoption....maybe she'll LONG to have closure some day....AND what if I'm the ONE person that can find those answers for her....

**It suddenly became clear to me that I MUST DO THIS FOR LUCY LANE!! I left Ethiopia the first time WITH VERY LIMITED information. And, at that point, I knew I had VERY little to tell Lucy Lane when she grew up and started asking questions!! So...my strongest hearts desire was/is to learn ALL I can NOW about LucyLane's past and her biological family!! I mean, we're talking about a third world country...What if her birth mom or other important family members pass away as I WAIT for LL to decide to ASK about her Ethiopian family!! And, when she finally DID want answers...what IF I wasn't able to get them any longer!!!??

**So, I knew in my heart and mind that SOME DAY I would attempt to try and find as many pieces to the puzzle as possible....for the MAIN reason to share them with LLM when she's old enough some day!!! I just didn't realize the opportunity would come about so soon!! And, WHEN OUT OF THE BLUE my husband told me he WANTED me to return to Ethiopia...he said, "I want you to go and meet Lucy Lane's mom and any other family she may have!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing....I so wanted to SOAK in LL's culture...see where she was born, hear all about the day she was born...was it an easy or hard delivery? Ask WHERE she gets this FUNNY, OUTGOING personality....I want to know WHERE she gets her tiny little, petite hands and feet....Who gave her those adorable ringlet curls all over her head....Those eyes, those ears, her yummy little lips....Who taught her to belly laugh SO HARD...Had she always been this funny since birth?? So many questions....

** And, as I wrestled with God about this idea...I already knew the answer!! I WAS TO GO!!! I knew I couldn't look lucy Lane in the eye some day and say, " yes, I had the rare chance to go and meet your biological family but I couldnt' go because I was TOO scared to leave you guys!!" I figure she might be kind of mad at me over that!!! :) And, for SO many international adoptions..there is NO information there...the child might have been abandoned OR the parent was deceased..or??? So, I knew it was RARE that i could ACTUALLY find this woman and meet her.. So...I let the idea sink in....but MANY questions kept swirling through my head:

"What if i can't find her?"

" What if she doesn't want to meet me?"

"What if I go all the way to Africa and she ISN'T home the day I arrive at her front door"

"What if it is dangerous getting there?"

"What if I found out she's passed away?"

" What if I cause her MORE pain by showing up there?"

**You see...the last thing I want to do is CAUSE this family ANY MORE pain. I have someone close to me that was placed for adoption domestically at birth...and 35 yrs. later when he FINALLY decided to find his birth mom.....SHE DIDN'T WANT TO BE FOUND!! It caused her a great deal of pain to be found...she had kept his pregnancy a secret for 35 yrs..and wanted it to remain that way!! He could respect that..he loved his family that raised him...he'd had a good life...but kind of a slap in his face too!! It just wasn't what he had dreamed of his entire life.

**So...I knew there was a possibility that LL's birth mom DIDN'T want to be found. Maybe she didn't come to our original birth parent meeting for a reason....AND I couldn't fathom causing them any more pain than the pain someone must go through when deciding that adoption is the best choice for your child. So, I spent time in prayer ASKING God to guide me...Praying HE would some how perform a miracle that I COULD find her FIRST and ask her PERMISSION to come....NOT to ever pity them...but to love, respect and learn everything I could from them.

***And, that's just what I did....ON MY OWN...WITH NO HELP from ANY agency or ANY extra information given than what was in my referral packet....I FOUND HER!!! Yes, across the world as I was going about my daily routines...a contact I had (who wishes to remain anonymous) set out on a LONG, GREAT adventure...to find Lucy lane's birth mom for me!!! With NEW recent pics in hand of Lucy Lane Martha....with very limited information on WHERE to find this remote village...he took off looking....looking for the ONE person that held ALL the answers to Lucy lane's past.....3 days went by....and I waited....waited to hear something, anything....praying that IF THIS WAS GOD'S WILL she would be found!!!

**And, finally the phone call I was waiting for....after 3 days of searching and asking around....HE FOUND HER!! AND, I COULDN'T BELIEVE MY EYES when I went to my computer....there sitting on my screen was HER FACE AGAIN!!! It felt like a miracle!! That beautiful young girl.....standing in the middle of Africa...holding a new picture of Lucy lane Martha I had sent...seeing her daughter's face for the first time in about 18 months....her smile said it all.....

(more to come )

*happy Thursday to you all, kj