Well, my first post leading up to our one year home was entitled "WHY DID WE ADOPT?" My second post in this series is "EXCUSES"!! Oh, my goodness...we're SO FULL OF THEM!! Yes, we're a "don't make me slightly uncomfortable", "i can't step out of my comfort zone" nation!! When confronted with someone that "is adopting" OR when you hear of someone REALLY doing amazing things for God like "Katie moving to Uganda" OR all the things my sister Kelly is doing through Ordinary Hero....Well...our first thoughts are of all the EXCUSES WHY WE COULD NEVER DO THOSE THINGS!! Believe me people...I was/am still one of those people making excuses every day....let me share:***Before we decided to adopt..I mean REALLY decided to send in our application....I too was lying in bed at night COMING UP WITH EXCUSE AFTER EXCUSE over WHY we couldn't possibly go through with this!! I mean..I had 2 girls and 2 boys...why in the world would I ever rock that boat? Things were SO PERFECT in the eyes of the rest of the world....but I knew God was saying, "Didn't I answer your prayers? Didn't I give you the 4 healthy children you asked for?" I knew I'd been blessed WAY MORE than I ever deserved...and God was NOW asking ME to be obedient to HIM!! He was asking me to NOW give a home to ONE OF HIS MANY BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN IN NEED!! BUT...before I could completely OBEY...I had a FEW MORE EXCUSES UP MY SLEAVE....
I look back and think about ALL the questions I asked Tracy Mihnovich and Emily Alexander....Some of my first initial questions were:
- What will people think of me and our family?
-What do people ask you when walking through the grocery with your brown child and your other white children?
-Did you lose any friends over this?
-Have people ever been mean to you over your adoption?
And...the list goes on and on...I'm sure they wanted to reach over and slap some sense into me...but instead of slapping me...they showed me love and patience as I wrapped my little mind around the idea of adopting internationally!! :) I WAS scared at first....I do think it is VERY normal to be scared over something you've never done before....but it was through prayer and others that had adopted before me that I found PEACE!!
**I look back and remember the night I was lying in bed and I decided, "that's it...we cant' possibly do this...we just don't have enough bedrooms!" Seriously, for a brief moment, I was willing to STOP everything over an idea that came into my head about "bedrooms"!! Seriously....Did I mention that adopting is as much a HUGE spiritual journey as it is anything else!! You will grow more than you ever imagined possible...and I grew....I grew suddenly in my faith when I realized that THESE DUMB THOUGHTS ABOUT BEDROOMS, AND WHAT EVERYONE WOULD THINK OF ME, ETC.....WERE NOT OF THE LORD!!! I had to stop and realize that GOD would never want me NOT to adopt an orphaned child because I DIDN'T have enough bedrooms in my house for all 5 kids!!! I mean, come on...was I really going to stand before HIM some day and say..."Sorry, Lord...yes, I heard you burning my heart for the orphaned child but I couldn't go through with it because I didn't have enough bedrooms!" Ok, so yes, I obviously got over that one fast...and yes, it makes me want to throw up too to think I could have missed out on my LL over an excuse like "bedrooms"!!! :) Geez..i've changed a lot!!! :)
Ok, so that leads me to WHAT ARE YOUR EXCUSES TO NOT ADOPT? Maybe some of ya have some REALLY great ones that really would keep you from getting accepted into ANY adoption program across this nation...but my guess is...that very few people would actually fall into that category!!*Lets see..I've heard MONEY as one of the most popular....ummm...I'd sell my right arm, my house and every belonging I own if it meant I could parent my LL!! :) The money thing is hard..I wont' lie...but I know that MOST of America could CUT BACK, NOT GO ON VACATIONS, NOT GET THAT NEW CAR, ETC...AND MAKE IT WORK!!! For most people, the money thing will never be easy...but I see people with NO EXTRA money adopt every day...so if they can do it...WHY CAN'T YOU??
*One of the most popular EXCUSES to NOT adopt is "MY HUBBY ISN'T ON BOARD"!! Yes, I hear this one every day!! And, I know..some of you really mean it...you've tried and he isn't budging yet....but others throw out the "oh, my hubby would NEVER go for that" and really...no one has even asked him!! Or you "kind of" dropped a hint ONCE and got a snarl or negative response and well...you never tried again!! Ok, people...that isn't good enough!! I can promise you this....IF you pray for your hubby for the next 365 days..day and night...and let him KNOW your heart and your desires to give the orphan a home...and you let him know that this is coming from GOD...well...IF YOU DON'T GIVE UP..I can promise that the husbands will come around...WHY??? because God works way bigger miracles ever day than working on your hubby's heart!! So..the question is...IS IT YOUR HUBBY'S HEART THAT NEEDS CHANGING OR IS IT YOURS? I'll let ya know that there isn't a day that goes by where I'm NOT praying for my hubby's heart to allow us to adopt for child #6 (yes, I know my MIL just passed out :) and it might not be any time soon that he budges...but I believe in my heart that THE DAY WILL COME...and I'M NOT GIVING UP!!! (i'll keep yall posted on that one :) So, if i have to work for it...well...so can you!!! :)
*Well, i've heard a LONG list of "other excuses" I could share with ya like:
" my family would never understand and never support me" - Well..how do you know if you don't give them a chance...I"ve watched MANY times where families DIDN'T support adoption..and well...I've seen EVERY time where those family members have to eat CROW because they LOVE that baby/child that comes into their family/life!! God has the ability to change ALL hearts...I've seen it happen!!
"I'm afraid of the teenage years..Is it really fair to bring a child into a bi-racial family?" - Ok, so is it fair to leave a child in an orphanage the rest of his/her life so YOU didn't have to face the teen years? I'd face a million years of LL's teen years if it meant that I could be her parent!! I haven't been a parent to a teen yet...but I can promise that I'll be there to support and love her through any hard times she might face!!
" If I only lived in YOUR area it would be easy to adopt...I'd have so much support..but no one where I live adopts" - Ok, so WHAT IF TRACY M. thought that same thought and never adopted LEVI?? Imagine HOW different our community would be!! When she adopted from Ethiopia..she was ALONE...she met a few others in the same pilot program..but they were virutally alone in our community...Their fellowship group consisted of like two families..seriously!! Now there are well over a hundred families!! I know God has many other "Tracy's" out there...that must be the FIRST.... it might seem scary..but there are hundreds of children in this world relying on YOU to say YES!! BECAUSE YOUR YES will make it ok for the NEXT person to say YES..and so on and so on!!
***Ok, so it is getting too late and I could go on for days with the "excuses" we all come up with....but my point here is to just let you know that I was ONCE there..I was scared and made up excuses too....but EVEN MORE IMPORTANT IS THE FACT THAT I GOT OVER IT....WHY/HOW???? I GOT OVER IT BECAUSE I KNEW IN MY HEART THAT THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL RELYING ON ME TO COME AND GET HER....I GOT OVER IT BECAUSE SHE NEEDED ME TO GET OVER IT:
WHO'S RELYING AND WAITING ON YOU TO STOP THE EXCUSES??? 
Hey Kristi,
ReplyDeleteWe have 6 kids, 1 adopted, and I've been praying for God to move my husband's heart on adopting another one, in fact I've been praying for months and still waiting. I must admit today was difficult as I prayed for God to move this mountain, feeling defeated I asked for Him to remove this desire from my heart convinced that my husband will not budge. Praying for months for a confirmation and nothing, until I read your post. What you write is true, God is bigger and He is faithful so I need to stay strong in my faith. Thank you for the confirmation and I will pray for God to open up our hubands hearts and pour HIs desires into them.
Love love love this post. I could've written it - sounds just like me and my husband....every single word! We don't have much money (by American standards), we have a tiny house - 6 going on 7 people in 3 bedrooms/1 bath, on and on I could go. But we are traveling to Ethiopia, Lord willing, in 3 weeks and we are not in debt. In fact every time we turn around people are giving us money/things to help us! Wow!! God certainly works it out and ignores our excuses, doesn't he? Thanks for all you do - you've been inspirational. Oh and by the way, there is a t-shirt giveaway on my blog. Just thought you might want to know :-)
ReplyDeleteoops...my blog is www.7900miles.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteSo...what happened with the bedrooms? Did you double or triple up? :) We are adopting one from Rwanda and the "bedroom thought" is what keeps me from going for two. Thank you for the thoughtful post. Keep on blogging!
ReplyDeleteWell, you know my story...you can now officially consider me an experiment in prayer (Rev. Strange's terms). Bun in the oven, and all, I'm still hopeful. I'll keep you posted. :-)
ReplyDeleteI remember that first email from you SO well, I was so excited to connect with you! What a journey huh? So thankful that we didn't believe any of the lies or excuses the world threw at us. :)
ReplyDeleteHappy Saturday.
Love it! Love these posts you are doing!! I said many of those same things, not enough bedrooms, money, I'm not a good enough mom... But a really funny one that I said was...(we have built in locker things for our kids backpacks and such in our laundry room).... I actually said, "But we don't have a locker for him." HAHAHAHAHA! Seriously, A locker!!!! Well my hubby quickly walked into the laundry room and said, we will build him one right here!
ReplyDeleteI'm just mad now that it took me a year and a half of throwing out excuses before my heart was finally broken enough to go for it! I wasted a lot of time!
AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love it!!!!!!!! Too many excuses- too many children go every day without love from a family! Bring these babes home please!!!!! LOVE YOUR RESPONSES!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletepreach it sister! love this post! I remember in the beginning having a few of those thoughts myself but like you said...more than anything it's a spiritual journey and growth! So thankful we decided to follow God's leading to adopt!
ReplyDeleteYOU GO GIRL!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are a gift of wisdom and love. God is so good to put His people together. Blessings to you, Kristi, as you continue to share your story for others (ME!) to listen and learn through God's Will for His people.
ReplyDeleteExcuses, excuses! If I had given into to some of the ones I thought of (believe me, adoption wasn't on my radar and we knew NO ONE who'd adopted when started this thing), I wouldn't be a mom to my precious girls. Heck, I probably wouldn't be a mom at all. Adopting isn't always an easy road, but the first time I held my girls, I KNEW it was the absolute right choice for us!! And my R is already talking about getting bunk beds for her and her sister so her "baby brother" will have a room in a few years! So, yeah, we're not done either!!
ReplyDeleteOf course you posted this, the day after I first saw your video. It's been on our hearts for months, but we let the excuses allow us to run away from God's direct calling. I just told my husband this morning that I can't ignore it anymore, and that we must act. I logged on to show him Lucy's Gotcha Day and your blog, and everything you said is what we have said. We also have a Lucy, and just seeing her name made it so personal to me. Just thinking that there could be another one of my children out there waiting on us to stop being afraid. We have two little girls, and we have sent away for the packet to start searching for our third. Wow, God is in control of everything. Thank you for sharing your story. We will let you know when we are holding our precious child in our arms.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Catherine Besk
Wife to Kenny, and mother of Maizie and Lucy
Loved this blog today! Here's another excuse- "We're too old". My husband and I are in our mid-forties, where most of our friend's kids are graduating from High School. People look at us and think we are nuts. We wouldn't have it any other way. As long as we have an ounce of energy left in us, we are committed to adoption. Waiting on a referral any day now for our 4th adoption from Russia. Thanks for advocating on behalf of the orphans!
ReplyDeleteI had ALL those excuses and more!
ReplyDeleteThe lame-est of all time. I prayed, "But God, I dont know a notary public." Completely lame, completely true.
I'm so glad God didn't release me from the call to adopt! He kept working on my heart.
Thanks for the blog!!!!!
kelli
http://the-adoption-journey.blogspot.com/
So true!!! Our big excuses were...
ReplyDelete1) We don't have enough money. But we jumped in knowing that, and the money came. That is what faith is all about.
2) Could we love an adopted child as much as we love our Eva? We laughed and realized that our hearts would stretch as far as we allowed them to...and YEP...we absolutely LOVE Macy as much as we love Eva. Our hearts have a lot more room than we realize.
Hugs!
Great post Kristi. Really awesome! I had many similar thoughts before we sent in our application for baby girl.
ReplyDeleteI love how you pray for your hubby's heart. I am already praying for baby number two that I want to adopt and we do not even have Leah's referral yet!! :) I am going to pray for my hubby's heart on that one. He thinks I am nuts for even bringing it up.
It's so silly to look back and see how gross our excuses are after we're home with these precious kids, isn't it. Yet, they seem so real while we are just beginning.
ReplyDeleteThat's actually really funny thinking about having to face God and tell him you didn't have enough bedrooms! What a great way to think about it.
I prayed for almost one year exactly - Aug 08 to Aug 09, when hubby walked in the door and said get the paperwork, we're adopting now!
ReplyDeleteAs for the money...we have saved and raised almost $8,000 of our $22,000 needed and have full faith in God to bless us as He already has to pay for this adoption! It is amazing to say God I will do what you ask and to see HIM open doors to provide jobs, hobbies, etc. that you otherwise wouldn't have to earn money!
Spiritual growth...I think you more than anything adoption is a spiritual journey...everything the emotions, financial, mental, it all leads back to your faith...we have grown so much in this process and we are still in the thick of waiting!
Thank you as always for sharing with others and advocating for adoption...you and your family have greatly touched our lives!
The Ragsdale Family
I have been following your blog as well as many other adoption blogs for over a year now. My husband and I have talked about adoption many times and we both know that want/need to do it. I showed him Lucy and Levi's videos the other night. He immediately wanted to know details about the process. We can't wait to move forward with the process.
ReplyDeleteLOVE this!! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThe money was the biggest issue for us (or my husband). But I have to admit there are still days I get overwhelmed with it all. If we weren't adopting we could go on this vacation. If we weren't adopting I could buy a new bathing suit for summer. If we weren't adopting our fixer upper would actually be in progress right now instead of a standstill. Sometimes I really have to sit and remind my self why I'm doing this: my baby girl is in Ethiopia and she needs me. And then I wipe my crazy selfish tears and move on. Thanks for a beautiful post!
ReplyDeleteI just read your list of excuses-well, actually i got about 3 sentences in and I fell to the floor sobbing like a baby and crying out to God. You see, last week my husband and I prayed for the first time together and asked the Lord to take over our "family planning" for us- we wanted to know His plan for us, and we were tired of trying to control it without Him. Well this week He has showed me his great and mysterious(to me) plan of adopting an orphan. He has emblazoned my heart for Ethiopia like nothing I have ever felt before. He has placed sriptures on my heart that I have never heard. and that very song you play on here- walk on the water- He has used that song in so many ways over the course of the last week to challenge me and encourage me to trust Him. So, when I could regain my composure, I got back up and read on- and the very next thing I read was the part about the husband not being on board. And then there I went again.God has burdened my not to speak to mine about this amazing thing until I have prayed fervently for his heart to be softened, because He wants us and our families to be astounded by how His plan will unfold for His glory. Its going to have to be all Him because:
ReplyDeletewe have 3 kids 4 and under
we live in a very small house- i bathroom, the kids all share one room
we have 3 carseats in a chevy cavalier
we have no money for adoption.
see- stupid excuses arent they? But I know He will move mountains to bring this child to us.
And I dont think I would have read your blog even except that I stayed home after church because I didnt feel well instead of going with my family to my in laws. And as I was laying there on the floor, I asked God how He was going to do this? And then my 9 month old crawled over to me and put his hands on my head and said "mama" and God said- "How did I do this? How did I give you any of your children? By my mighty will."
I didnt mean for this comment to be so long- I just wanted to share that your story is being used to reach out to me.
thank you!
Love this post. I could come up with 101 excuses why we shouldn't adopt again but my KING says we have enough we can give up and my King says He'll provide so we move forward in faith! Thank you for this.
ReplyDeleteLove this post, Kristi!! I am so thankful that you "got over it"! :)...for sweet LL, and for all the families that have been inspired to adopt because of your obedience-including ours!! I remember at one point, one of the silliest excuses that I came up with was, "I won't be able to do her hair!" What in the world?!! Crazy! I am so thankful to be on this adoption journey...it has already been amazing!!
ReplyDeleteLove this post! Your Tracy M. is my Alison S. She and Jody obeyed and now others are stepping up. Thanks for being real. . we all have these crazy excuses and it helps so much to know that we are all broken people looking to a PERFECT God.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing. This post encouraged me. I'm one with a dh not on board. I've been praying hard for over a year and half - almost 2 years. He said yes briefly - and then changed his mind. I have a huge burden on my heart and I still believe that one day he will too. In the meantime, it's hard to wait. We aren't getting any younger and there are so many kids that need a family!
ReplyDeleteBlessings
Leslie
www.homeschoolblogger.com/LeslieNelsen