Well, as I promised...another post in my series!!! If you are keeping track or want to scroll back #1. Why did we adopt, #2. Excuses We All Make #3. The Wait #4. Bonding and Attachment to LL ...AND #5 is " How the Hubby and Kids Dealt With It All":I'll start this post off by telling you that the hubby and kids and I were driving down the road the other day when I looked at hubby and said, "Hey, my next post is going to be about HOW you and the kids handled the adoption!" He said, "Wow, that will be a boring post!" :) So, I'm here to post the TRUTH..and the TRUTH is that IT WAS COMPLETELY EASY, NATURAL AND UNEVENTFUL!!! There you have it....POST OVER!!! :) Ok, so I could end there...but I know yall like more detail...so here goes:
***WHY WAS IT EASY FOR EVERYONE?
ummmm...I think because it was our #5 and I think that all the kids were used to having another sibling come into the home by #5.... There was LOTS of anticipation and excitement about bringing LL home finally....and well..they just simply loved and adored her from DAY ONE!!
Another REASON....because I think kids (and hubby) play off HOW MOM IS FEELING!! AND, I felt GREAT!! I wasn't recovering from a c-section, I wasn't hormonal, I wasn't having to lose like 80lbs., I wasn't nursing, I wasn't telling everyone to be careful and quiet because there was a newborn baby in the house. LL came from an orphanage with 70 other children..so children WERE HER THING!!! She LOVED and ADORED her siblings from day one!! She could smile and interact and laugh at the drop of a hat....AND the kids ATE THIS UP!! She was like having a REAL LIVE DOLL to them!! The point here: The kids saw ME relaxed and enjoying baby #5 which in return MAKES them feel relaxed and capable of loving and embracing her.
Another REASON....because I was careful to tell the kids over and over again that SHE WAS THEIR BABY!! THEY HAD TO HELP TAKE CARE OF HER!! They were feeding her bottles from day #2 of being home (because they were begging to, not because I wanted them to :). I was nervous about them holding her..but I let them anyways because I wanted them to bond with her. So...they rolled on the floor with her, dressed her up, fed her, carried her around, and fell in love with her more and more every day!!!
Another REASON....because their world didn't change! We didn't stay home..they still were involved and active in all their activities...They LOVED showing her off to their friends from day one!! Even George's world didn't change (which is why I think he has NEVER been jealous of her) He looked at her like, "Cool..i have a friend my size" I still carried George around everywhere...I just had Lucy in the sling on one hip..and George on the other. He kissed and hugged on her from day one...and well....he is STILL completely in love and CRAZY about his baby sister to this day:
They seriously are BEST FRIENDS!! My sister, Kasey, was carrying LL outside yesterday and walking towards her car..and I thought George was going to have a panic attack..He just kept crying and fussing telling me to GO AND GET HER!! He, from the day she came home, would look at strangers in the grocery store that were looking at her and say, "NO, she's MY baby!!" and he'd put a protective arm over her...simply precious!!! I was co-sleeping with George up until the day she came home...and well...he NOW sleeps on ONE side of me..and LL sleeps on the other!! He didn't even lose his sleeping spot!! :)
I have a sensitive bio child....My Hal was jealous when his baby brother George entered his world...He used to yell at me to, "PUT THE BABY DOWN" !! Well, I knew when LL came home that HE'D NEED TO FEEL SPECIAL TOO!! Thank goodness the first night home, Lucy Lane LAUGHED and SMILED at Hal!! Then he walked by again, and she giggled!! We ran with it!! We started saying things to Hal like, "Hal, she really likes you" and "Hal, she really thinks you're funny" AND, HIS FACE LIT UP..AND THE REST IS HISTORY!! He looked at us and said, "MOM, I think she likes me the BEST!!" We'd say, "Oh, I think you're right, Hal!" :) So, almost 365 days later....Our Adoption was the BEST thing to EVER happen to Hal!! He shows a love for LL like i've never seen before!! He adores her!! He says out of the clear blue sky, "Mom, I just LOVE her so much!" It warms our heart in a way that I just can't explain. My hubby and I have both said MANY times that we think Lucy Lane was a little gift sent from heaven JUST FOR OUR HAL!! She is the first and last thing he thinks of each day. They truly have a special bond that I thank God for each and every day!!!
My GIRLS....Well, my big girls have been crazy about her from day one!! They are like "little moms" to her. They carry her around and argue over WHO gets to sit on the couch next to her..and who's turn it is to sit next to her in the car!! I've been very careful to NEVER ask my girls to "help out" with the responsibilities of having a baby in the home. I never wanted them to resent having a big family because they were asked to "help" with the baby all the time...So...this ends up having the opposite results: They ALWAYS WANT TO HELP WITH THE BABY!!! Today, I found Julia changing her diaper (which she knows she's not suppose to do..that is a Mommy job). She just smiled and said, "but I really want to learn how to do it"!! At field day, they want to carry her around themselves...they LOVE to all dress alike, they want me to bring her up to eat lunch with them at school because they are instant super stars when LL is around. They kiss and hug on her CONSTANTLY. It just truly couldn't have gone any better....There was SERIOUSLY never ONE hiccup!! Everyone LOVED their new baby sister and she loved them...that's the WHOLE story!!! :)
THE HUBBY...Well, the hubby instantly loved and bonded with her too. I called him from Africa saying, "Well, she's not going to go to you...we've really bonded here and be prepared when she cries when you hold her." Well, the hubby's one request was that HE wanted to carry her through the gates to the family at the airport since he didn't go on the trip to get her....Well, she WENT RIGHT TO HIM and SMILED AT HIM!! WHAT!!!!! Ok, and she has seriously LOVED him from that day!! She has ALWAYS lit up when he entered the room....AND, NOW she screams and runs straight for him when he comes home from work in the afternoon. She reaches for him and smiles from ear to ear when he's holding her.....AGAIN...uneventful!! Our lives were already busy with 4 little ones...and well...going to #5 just didn't make a difference. LL has always gone to bed early, George stays up late..and well, Daddy and I go on NO SLEEP at all!! We are some SERIOUS night owls and we can spend 3 or 4 hours a night AWAKE with out kids AWAKE!! We go on VERY little sleep...drink lots of coffee together..and well, smile and embrace a new day!!! That's how we make it work!!! :)
So...there you have it....I represent the family that LOVED our international adoption and had an EASY and SMOOTH experience with it. With all the negative stories you can find out there..I want to be the POSITIVE ONE!! I want people to know that IT CAN BE EASY...and YES, you can LOVE your adopted child the same as your bio kids..and YES, you can spread the love and attention equally between 5 little ones and make them ALL feel special...and YES, at the end of every day, we PRAISE and THANK GOD for sending us down this road...because it was the BEST thing to happen to us all....IN THE END...ONE YEAR LATER....WE'VE ALL WON HERE!!!
Happy Thursday to you all (and fyi...next post in the series..the one i've been asked the most...HOW DO I SUCCESSFULLY PARENT 5 CHILDREN AT ONCE..WHAT ARE YOUR TRICKS.....just an fyi) kj
4 hours ago